After the unsettling circumstances of Tuesday I needed to check the hillside field yesterday, knowing that Lilly would no longer be at the gate to meet me. Having read all the lovely comments on social media in the morning, (thank you all so much) I'd put it off until the afternoon. I took a bucket of nuts for anyone who wanted them and then climbed the hillside to see those who were still grazing beyond the treeline and the brook which runs down from the moor. 

Mitsie is the matriarch of the field these days, with Pixie and Archie not too far from her side....... Teddy is with the male lambs who have been separated off, but Archie has been castrated so he'll come away when all the May born lambs are spained tomorrow, this will leave Mitsie on her own with the female lambs until we return Willow from intensive care!  Insistently she's doing really well with the new worm doze working well, we just need to put some flesh on her bones before putting her back into the field..   

I wasn't aware of just how much respect she commands over the youngsters in the field until I witnessed it.......... I was giving Honey, Bunny, Minnie, and the others a proper cuddle, and was surrounded by a circle of lambs and sheep vying for position and attention until it started to pour with rain, a torrential downpour. Mitsie, who had been part of the throng turned tail and trotted towards the trees for shelter, followed by all the others, I was left in the middle of the field, deserted! The shower was over as quickly as it had started and as I caught up with them, Mitsie had decided to run down to the troughs to see if there were any nuts left... followed of course by the others, only they were jumping and squiggling as they pranced down the hillside.... they did look funny... 

We are bringing the rest of the sheerling gimmers back from North Walden tomorrow so that all the sheep that are to be tupped in October are together, and hopefully the newly spained ewes, including Peewee will catch up and come into season at the same time as the rest. We are trying to get ourselves organised into two lots, lambing 6 months apart, with the Dorsets in September/October and the Mules in March/April.  It is also why we are putting up a new building so that we are organised. It'll take a year or so but it will be worth it. More about and our fight to get power to the buildings later!

Sometimes things sneak up on us, and there is simply nothing we can do about it.. and tonight is one of those evenings.

I took some lovely new pictures of Lilly at the weekend, she's been doing so well. She has merged with the flock in the hillside field, but still waits for me at the gate every morning and every evening, without fail, its my morning tonic.... she is so full of joy and there isn't a bad bone in her.  This morning was no different.... she had one of her last bottles today as she was 3 months old yesterday and we are spaining all her compatriots this week, and as they will no longer be on their mother's milk, nor will she.  

We both walked round the 10 acre field checking that all was well and giving those needing a cuddle their morning attention, although Lilly gets a cuddle every time so her sense of being very special isn't diminished!! We concluded with Willow, who has been getting special attention for the last month as her weight has been causing concern... she has been getting steadily skinnier.  We dozed her for worms twice, and this morning I decided to walk her down the field, out across the lane and down into home field and on to the barn... for a short stay in intensive care!  I took a poo sample for the vet and dropped it off this afternoon..... it seems that our local worms may be resistant to "white" doze so now we've got some yellow. We have given her some, together with some "gel-lite" that will help get her electrolytes back in line! ... and will monitor her, with another poo sample due at the vets in 7 days time.

So this afternoon when Nigel got home we went up again to give Lilly her afternoon bottle and the rest of the lambs their creep feed....... We had collected the trailer as we had some sheep to move as well and as we pulled up at the gate I expected to see Lilly's beautiful little face....... only this time she wasn't there...... 

She was a few yards away, tucked under a wall, I called to her, but she didn't stand up she just called back...... I went up to her and stroked her ears, there was something terribly wrong...... we picked her up, put her straight in the trailer...... While Nigel turned round I called in at Nanny McHawkins, across the lane, and asked her to ring the vet and to let them know we were on the way so they didn't close up and leave the surgery and we drove straight there.... Amy was waiting, I think she was expecting to see Willow not Lilly... we took her in and she was put on the table.... laying on her side with her little head in my hand........ I quietly talked to her... She was getting weaker..

Her lungs were clear, but her stomach was bloated, so Amy released the gas which had built up, but it didn't make any difference.... her breathing was shallow, I could hear it as me cheek was so close to hers... 

We all decided that there was nothing to be done and the best and only thing to do was to assist her to painlessly leave this world without delay........... I held her until she took her last breath so she wasn't scared.... I couldn't believe it.

The thing was.... what on earth had happened in such a short time to cause such a dramatic end?....... so it was agreed that we should do a postmortem there and then.... Amy very kindly asked if we would like a cup of tea and if we would like to sit in the waiting room... "No" was the answer, I had helped Curley hamster give birth to Lilly at the end of May and I wasn't going to sit anywhere other than by her side during this last investigation into her little life.

I won't describe how this is done as I don't want to upset anyone with the details, all I will say is that she was perfect.... everything was exactly as it should be, except one thing..... 

Two years ago we had had a lamb die unexpectedly and I had attended her postmortem... she had suffered a twisted bowel... one of two that happen on average in the whole of the Yorkshire Dales each year... it's very rare... so we were all dumbfounded to find out that poor Little Lilly had suffered the same fate........ There is nothing that can be done... there is no fault to be placed... its just one of those awful things.

On returning home I emptied her bottle, and poured the rest of what was made up for the morning down the sink..... My morning visit to the field tomorrow will be very different, the little lamb at the gate will be missing, and I will have to take my solace in the other little faces in the field, Minnie, Pixie, Honey and Bunny and Tear Drop.. and Mitsie of course will need her massage... and Peewee will need a cuddle ......  

We start lambing again in November/December with 13 Dorsets and the whole cycle starts again....... there are more ups than there are downs, and my walks round the fields that are so full of affection will have to suffice until the lump in my throat disappears....again....